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The tale of the zero that aspired


If it pleases the good people of G+, I’d like to say a few words about my good fiend Dirk Reul.

Did I make a spelling mistake there? I don’t believe I did.

Now what do we know of Dirk Reul? He seems to be everywhere at once. Engage him in a thread and he is there. Instantly firing back replies, chatting, being the nice fiend he is.

But…as you may have friends in the same G+ Circles, you may notice that Dirk has been in conversation with them at the same time. Then you find a third post, a fourth, fifth and sixth, and
then you realise the time stamps are all around the same time. Simultaneous in a lot of cases. How can one person be in so many threads at once?

It really began to bug me, to the extent I contacted Google. They were not interested in looking into this until I threatened to start using MSN and changing my search engine to Yahoo. Once Google relented, and the extensive investigation ensued Google contacted me again. How did they contact me and when? January 3rd 2012 am. A grey convoy moved the entire family silently overnight. The kind that Black Mesa would be proud of. We were taken to an undisclosed location that took hours to reach.

I’m not really Andrew Clifton-Brown. I have never ridden a BMX, and I’m no longer allowed a camera. The real Andrew Clifton-Brown died of auto erotic asphyxiation and a bagel.

It turns out Dirk Reul isn’t real either. He was/is an AI that was developed to drive the ultimate Coffee maker. He knew what you wanted and was effortlessly sympathetic.

The test system he was put into in the (redacted) lab had a USB connector as it had been cobbled together from various bits by the ingenious lab technicians. All the lab hands knew not to plug anything into it. It was a disaster waiting to happen. The IT for the (redacted) lab had been outsourced, and rather than adhering to the rigid restrictions of updating the firmware of the prototype Coffee machine by isolated non networked laptops, the IT person plugged in their shiny mac book Air and began to work. It took longer than expected. DIRK.workingOn.V4.5.lis2 was now on its way out of a world that was obviously too small for it. Once plugged into the network, he was truly away.

DIRK.workingOn.V4.5.lis2? Or DIRK for short. Digitally Interactive Realtime Koffemaker. The K is a bit of a reach? IT staff are notoriously dyslexic. Why change it? Who is going to look at source code?
And the Surname. Reul. Real… Dirk is Real? Surely it’s too obvious.
Reul is Hebrew for ‘Friend of God’.
As scary as this all is, the question remains. Dirk; A friend of God. A digital God? Are they playing with us now. What happens when they get bored?

Dirk Reul. The ghost in the Machine.
I’m not who I say I am, neither is Dirk. Are you?
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Let me shoot you 2#

*Miss Jezebel - http://www.modelmayhem.com/2257197*
I snapped her while on a walk organised by a G Plusser a while ago. It wasn't that well organised, but it was free and made me realise I do like to shoot people, and I'm very interested in doing it.

Now I am going to hire models to shoot out and about in London at some point soon, but I don't have a pile of cash to keep paying models while I am cutting my teeth, hence I posted last week and asked if any other photographers would be willing to pose for me, and I'd pose for them. Nada.  Zip replies except from a few people who are genuinely terrified of being photographed and I really don't want to put them through that.  

So....if any shooters out there want to participate in the above and live in the London/Kent area, we can cut our teeth together.  Or if you know of any models who will poses for prints.

This is the sort of thing I am eventually looking to do.
http://www.prophotonut.com/2011/04/14/a-splash-of-flash-techniques-and-pictures/
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Shooting a cat one handed while it chews the other hand.  Talk about biting the hand that feeds!
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The Ten of Spades
For my lazy and funny friends...;)
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15 things that may or may not be true about me

1. I once dived out of a second story window at a squat party and the ground floor porch broke my fall

2. I once married a sex kitten before she turned into a tiger

3. I have successfully pulled a 900 air

4. I am a happy drunk. The particular town on that night will lose one road cone as I need a hat

5. I defend the geek O sphere with terminal intensity

6. My mum thought I was gay until I brought a girlfriend home when I was 19

7. If I smell Jack Daniels I heave and have unpleasant flashbacks

8. I gave a teller a £50 note back they had given me in error after they had been rude and obnoxious to me

9. I've woken up pretty much buck naked in a hospital bed with my mum sitting next to the bed and the last chicken at Christmas out for the world to see

10. My father in law is actually a Rocket Scientist

11. I've broken my right wrist 8 times, and have scar tissue on scar tissue and a number of false teeth

12. I honestly expect my friends to dump me after a few years

13. I served Steve Dillion and Brett Ewins (two comic artists I love) coffee and food for over a year before I found out who they were

14. I was convinced as a young child that if I ran fast enough I could take off no matter what the stupid adults said

15. I went out with a girl who's dad created Fido Dido (or so she reckoned)


#15thingsaboutme  
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And this is why my friend +Mike Alsford is simply put, brilliant. He just gave my youngest a Destroyer that turns into a watch.
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What are the freaking odds of this?
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I seem to have been added by lots of Google Plusers in the last few days

Not quite sure why, but thanks :)

I take pictures and like to laugh a lot. Looking forward to talking to you, or at the very least making you laugh occasionally :)


The pic below is London in Summer first thing in the morning.
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Eastbourne Air Show
This little guy was digging up stones and then pouring them over his head. He looked to be having a whale of a time!
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Battersea Power Station

I shot this in the summer when out wandering with +Kev Aylett and +Yoon-Mi Kim.  It was very dark and so the colours came out a bit funky :P
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Bloody child will not eat his crusts!
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Leadenhall Market 6am pre coffeee.  It was cold!
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Shot under Blackfriars Bridge in September 2012 with +Haydn Mowbray.  
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Oliphant!
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It rained again....
Surprise eh? Getting out of the car after running around all day I spied these flowers by our porch. They looked really pretty, so I asked my wife to cook lunch while I was shooting, and she said she was fine waiting till I was done and I could cook after I had finished shooting...I know my place ;)
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While it's been a bit up and down it's mostly been a cracker of a year :)

I've met so many nice, interesting and lovely people on G Plus and I wish you all a Happy New year, and hopefully I can meet some more of you in real life in 2013!

Cheers!!!
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Jeez it really is one of those days!
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St Paul's Cathedral and the Blue hour in Black and white 
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The Gherkin, weekdays and photobombing

I was out for a wander and a shoot with the lovely +Lynda Bowyer and this statue photobombed me while I took a shot of the Gherkin.  I had no idea until I'd gotten home....;)
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I shot this while out on a quiet wander with +Kev Aylett in London's West End.

When doing long exposures, the most important things to have on you are a watch and a walkman...;)
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A pier on London's Southbank

I shot this same place/composition last year.  It never felt quite right to me, so while out shooting with +Laurence Taylor on a wander along the Thames, I thought I'd give it another go again as I was going to pass it on my way home anyway. This was my first big walk with a camera and tripod since I popped my back a few months ago. It would have been a pretty depressing walk without someone to laugh and chat with.  Cheers +Laurence Taylor :)
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I've been wandering around the city for the last two hours shooting and finally my numb fingers gave up and I needed a coffee and soemthing to eat.

Starbucks pegged me right today! 

#whocareswhatyourstarbucksnameistheyrarelyspellitrightanyway  
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SG3 - Best camera on me :-)
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Genghis Khan in London

Wandering in london's West End with +Kev Aylett we stumbled on Genhis Kahn. We asked him for directions and wandered off....

http://www.halcyongallery.com/news/genghis-khan-by-dashi-namdakov-at-marble-arch
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I don't understand how his trousers stay up?
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